Destruction By Bite Size Candy

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A Year ago I was doing amazing at my goal to be a healthier me. I was eating better and working out ALOT!  Or At least a lot for myself.   Then I fell off the wagon again. next I went 30 plus days eating only 24 grams or less of added sugar I can’t tell you how amazing I felt.  My Chronic pain was gone and Life was great.  Then I got a promotion and I’ve now been kind of focused on learning and developing myself in the work world.  Well…….. Chronic Pain has been creeping back until I wound up in the hospital again …..Crazy Pain no answers So I knew I had to change the way I ate or it would be a long road of pain and pain meds.  So Naturally I went home after a few days of eating super healthy and then BAM  I pigged out on nothing but junk food and sweets.  I mean I ate 5 krispy kreme doughnuts in one night after eating TGIFs endless apps and steak and ribs!!!!!!!!!!    That lasted about a week and I finally came to grips with the idea i have to really truly make a change in my lifestyle and I planned out food for the week and cooked for hours meal prepping.

I took food to work and ate everything like planned when I look over and the easter basket I got all my staff was sitting there with a few random left over bite size candy bars..  I debate it and finally cave I grabbed one with caramel and nuts!!! YUMMY!!!   So Delicious just what I deserve for all this admin work I’ve been doing.

 

2 mins later……………  Oh My god I’m so Fat How could I eat that horribly?  I mean really I’ve Failed again.   So might as well eat an apple fritter because they smell so good warmed and I already destroyed my diet….WHOA!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!  How did this happen?   I didn’t destroy anything it was one bite!  How can one little bite have so much power over me?  To throw in the towel on my health?   Then I start to think about all the other times I gave up.   Once was when I ate 2 cookies at my first manager meeting because I didn’t want them to think I was rude and also because I mean home made cookies.. Why not when I’ve been off sugar for over 30 days….  Well the next few days I convinced myself i destroyed my eating habits so why shouldn’t I eat anything I want know.   It was like A Drug Binge but my drug of choice is unhealthy food.  Maybe the Problem I have is that I see treats as Weapons of Mass Destruction.  Not As something that is allowed every once in  a while. I mean I was more healthy then I ever have been and I let 2 cookies destroy all of that.  So I hope the fact that I’m owning my little nibble I took today and Know that it’s just a small treat in a day full of Zucchini, Tomatoes, Spinach, Sweet Potatoes, Pine Apple , Honey Crisp apples and Strawberries . plus a few healthy proteins so why not reward being good all day with just a tiny little nibble ?  My Goal is to stop letting one bite have so much control over me.

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Day 8b week 2b measurements!!!!!!!!! oh boy here we go!!!

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This Week I decided my main goal was just to start moving again  so thats what i did I worked out 4 times this week and just moved more. I didn’t really make a huge dent on my eating which when i tell you my numbers your going to do a mental face palm like DUH!!!  gesture.  I realize I need to worry about my food intake but I wanted to start off small and then every week I will add another things to really focus on.  This week coming up is going to salt intake.  I realize I’ve been going nuts of salty food lately and it doesn’t help with the weight loss at all

Starting Weight: 256           10/06/14: 246.7                    This Week:248 (I gained 1.3 lbs)

Starting Waist: 47 in         LW: 44                           This Week: 44    

Starting Hips: 53  in         LW: 52                       This Week:51(lost 1 inch)

Starting Arm: 15.5 in       LW:14                           This Week:15 (gained 1 inch)

Starting Calf: 18.5           LW: 17                            This Week: 17.5    gain .5 inches

Starting Chest: 44 in       LW: 41                             This Week: 42       gained 1 inch

Staring Thigh: 30 in        LW: 26                              This Week: 27      gained 1 inch

Starting Butt: 52 in         LW: 50                               This Week: 50    

So I’ve gained almost 2 lbs and 2 inches this week.  So It is what it is.. No need to dwell on my mistakes just time to learn from them and change my ways.. So this morning I did 30 mins of walking and day 4 of yoga challenge which happened to be abs!!!! ok so I couldn’t do most of the video it hurt so bad.  So I’m going to continue the challenge but I think I’m going to try and do the day 4 video a few times a week until I can actually do the whole video!  I mean Working on your abs is a good thing so maybe my goal will to do that work out 3 times a week :O)  How did you do this week?

Day 7(b): How we see ourselves

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150lbs

So I’ve Gained weight and I’m feeling extra not good about my self image.  You know the negative inner talk that goes something like. ” Oh my god my butt is so big and not in the way that is cute like kim kardashian but like the secretary spread kind of big.  “

or ” Dang look at my double chin,triple chin and maybe even a fourth if i scrunch up my neck and look up i think i can see a fourth one “

Well I was feeling like that before I went to work yesterday and was kicking my butt and really wanting a huge snickers bar to make me feel better for just a moment.   That  all changed when I saw one of the girl at work and she gave me this look and was like “Girl your looking slimmer today”  I lifted my head just a tad and was so happy that she didn’t see the fourth chin that I was observing in the mirror only moments before.

Then about 3 hours later One of our regular customers that actually havent been so regular recently came in and as I’m ringing her up she smiled at me huge and was like “oh my god you’ve lost a lot of weight since last time I saw you!!!!”  Wow I couldn’t believe  my ears when i first woke up i felt like such crap about myself i just wanted to cry and here two other people were looking at me and they saw a slimmer me and not a heavier me.  So I really have to remember the way i see myself is totally different and normally very negative compared the way others see me.

Also The other thing I was thinking about yesterday what is my goal weight?!!?!  I was thinking 150 lbs sounds about right and i was speaking about that to one of our customers who was like oh man I’m 150 lbs and I need to lose another 20!  Which at first made me think maybe my goal weight should be 130lbs but then I started to really look at it in a different way. I’m at least 3 inches taller then her and I have a bigger build then her so more then likely 150 would look a lot different on me.  Which reminded me this picture I saw on facebook a few weeks ago of all these women standing in a line that were 150 lbs and how they all look so different even though they are the same weight so i guess my goal weight is when i feel like i look healthy instead of an actual number

Day 4(b): second iced coffee = 30 min work out

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As I was saying yesterday I’m trying to fight crazy fatigue lately.  This morning isn’t any different either I’m just worn out.  I have no energy to speak of  Which leads me to drinking more coffee.  I love coffee.  That is actually an understatement I’m obsessed…  I think how most people are made up mostly of water I on the other hand am made up mostly of yummy scrumptious keep you awake coffee. I know my wonderful mormon Mother is cringing at the thought of this and may even being googling the unhealthy side effects of coffee as we speak to send me a link to maybe make me re think my love of the wonderful Elixir of Life!!!!!   Now for the reality of it all. I realize I love my coffee with yummy cream and sugar and sometimes whip cream and other not so good for you toppings.  Which is so not good for my diet an I realize this so I’m trying to cut down on what I put in my iced coffee in the morning.  Right now I’m down to 3 tablespoons of vanilla and cinnamon creamer per 26 oz of iced coffee.  Not too bad.  It’s a 90 calorie drink in the morning and then I’m trying to switch from coffee all day to coffee only in the morning and then green tea with two pumps raspberry for the afternoon (which only has 40 calories in it for 30 oz of tea) .  Well this morning I couldn’t wake up I just was struggling so bad to get motivated and I told myself if I allow myself to have a second iced coffee this morning I have to do 30 mins of cardio to make up for it.   No ifs ands or buts about it.  I’m over the oh why not have my cake and eat it too plus the ice cream and sprinkles and what ever else i can find and not do anything about it phase.    So If I treat myself to something extra I need to work for it.  It’s like When I get paid for going to work.  If I don’t work I don’t get paid.  Well if I don’t work out I can’t have a little something extra.  Oh and how I realized I’ve gotten even more out of shape too.   I did 14 mins of billy blanks jr work out and then 16 mins of biggest loser walking video and I’m pooped I mean just straight up worn out from it.  It’s a good feeling though to know for the first time in months I actually did 30mins of cardio in one sitting.   Go me!!!! now to squeeze in my day 4 of yoga and maybe a nice little nap on this snowy day.

Day 3(b): Fatigue is a %*!@$

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Sorry Mom for the title but I didn’t have another way of really expressing how I feel about my pms fatigue! Yesterday I couldn’t fight it. I slept when ever baby E slept!  I sulked when I wasn’t sleeping I both was exhausted and crampy BOO HISS  Being a girl sucks sometimes!    So Yup I’ve been blessed with my “lady time”  right at the beginning of trying to get back on board with this weight loss thing.  I ended up giving myself a day to do the poor pitiful me’s , eat all the chocolate in the world and just not do anything!

Like I said I gave myself a day!   This morning meant a new day and a new attitude.   Baby E woke up at a bright and early 5 am this morning so it was already a challenge to not take a morning nap with her.  Instead I did 1/2 of day 2 yoga challenge and all of day 3 yoga challenge.   During my yoga lessons I realized I really need to work on quieting my mind.  I also learned we have to really sweep and mop our hard wood floors they are getting not pleasant.

Once I was nice a stretched I put on Billy Blanks Jr Video and added a minute to my previous work out and got to finish 13 minutes instead of 12 this time! so needless to say Im back on track.   Now I think I’m going to have a cup of iced coffee and start cleaning the house!  Which Count as exercise right?

Day 2(b) : Reflecting on yesterday’s achievements

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Well after I weighed myself yesterday and got over the shock on what I’ve done to myself by just not caring I canceled the pity party I had planed for the day and Decided to take action.   So I Started by keeping track of everything I ate with one of my favorite apps Myfitnesspal.   I did pretty well at staying under calories which is a big plus.   Then I started the Erin Motz 30 day yoga challenge Day 1 and do i feel it today!!!!  My arms and chest are killing me but my legs and hips are feeling so much better then they had in the last month.   After doing about 15 mins of yoga I decided to try the Billy Blanks Jr Dance Boot Camp Video which is another one of my go tos .  Last time I could do the whole video no problem.  This time on the other hand I barely made it through the warm up.   Then the cherry on top of the day I reached my 11,000 step goal on my fitbit!!!!!  Yup Yesterday was a day of some really good progress.  I’ve been trying to think what My actual goals are for this journey.  I know the big one is to lose a little over 100 lbs but that’s not all I want I want to be healthier and try to get to a place where I can do The Billy Blanks Jr Video all the way through every other day.  Plus I want to get healthier so I can pass these traits down to baby E.  I want her to know what a healthy lifestyle looks like instead of what it looks like to sit around doing nothing and eating food all day long.   I have to admit I can’t wait till spring is here because I love to get out of the house and get fresh air that isn’t freezing so when it starts to warm up again I will start my walks and hopefully be able to walk 3-5 miles every other day.   What are some goals you have for yourself?

Day 1(b) Measurement Monday

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Here we are the day of truth.  How much damage have I done in the past few months of not taking care of myself?

Starting Weight: 256           10/06/14: 238.8                    This Week:246.7  (I gained 7.9 lbs back!!!!)

Starting Waist: 47 in         LW: 42                            This Week: 44     I Added 2 inches back to my waist

Starting Hips: 53  in         LW: 48                        This Week: 52    Oh gosh I’ve gained almost all the inches back!!!

Starting Arm: 15.5 in       LW: 13.5                             This Week: 14     gain .5 inches Thank God For lugging a 25lb toddler around or it would be more

Starting Calf: 18.5           LW: 16.6                             This Week: 17    gain .5 inches

Starting Chest: 44 in       LW: 41                             This Week: 41        Loss of 0

Staring Thigh: 30 in        LW: 26                              This Week: 26       loss of 0

Starting Butt: 52 in         LW: 47                               This Week: 50    Gain Of 3 inches

I guess That stings a little bit but it’s a truth I needed to admit to and I had to see it on paper to realize how much can be undone.  These measurements were from last october basically 5 months ago when I last kept track!  So basically I decided for almost half a year to screw my diet and just eat what I want and do what i want.  Well No More. Now it’s back to respecting myself and my health.   So in 5 months I’ve gained close to 8lbs and gained 10 inches!!!!!  Yup That’s a wake up call.  So I hope all of you have a wonderful week and remember to be kind to yourself which may seem like it’s really kind to have a piece of cake!!!  but that’s just not the case. It’s not nice to give yourself a ton of junk that wont benefit you in the long run.  I will make you feel bad about your self and that’s not ok.  so if you must have a piece of something sweet and fruit just isn’t cutting it maybe try a small piece of dark chocolate or maybe a few nuts and a few dark chocolate kisses :O)

March 01 2015: Time To Face The Music!

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Here It is the Day that I told myself ( before the holidays) that I had to start my diet and get back on track.  I know it may seem to be a weird date to most people my logic Two weeks before Thanksgiving when Starbucks Starting Bringing back all of their Pumpkin spice and Everything Nice Goodies I knew it was that time of year again where i over indulge and there is no stopping me. Ok Ok  I know that I could of Done things right this year but I guess I wasn’t  strong enough to Just Say No!  like a junkie Who needs their fix I need my Freakin Pumkin Cream Cheese Muffins and Yummy Gingerbread Lattes.  So I decided I had been pretty good for a while and lost 20 lbs why not let myself live a little bit until after the holidays.  Then I realized Our Family was going on a road trip from Virginia To Texas to visit family and indulge in all the kind of foods we can’t get where we live and remind me of being a kid. So Why Would I start a diet  back up  after the Holidays just to go back to eating super yummy unhealthy foods again.  So March 01 2015 sounded like the perfect date to start on since it was just a few days after I went back to work from our vacation.   So here we are on that date where I swore I was going start being better …..well I didn’t!  what I did do I had my one last hurrah on Junk Food R Us express.  I sampled tons of secret Menu Frappuccinos , I ate Double Smoked Bacon, egg and cheese  Croissant  Sandwich, Plus 2 or three pastries.  Yup It was yummy and revolting at the same time.  I ate it and Loved it but not even a second  after eating it I Felt Guilty and horrible about myself.  Which Sucks!!!!  Why eat food if your not even going to enjoy it.  If your going to feel guilty and not take in the yumminess of what we just wasted 500 calories on?!??!?!?  So Yes Here we are on March 01 2015 and I’m Over this stupid game I play with myself all the time.  I want to be able to do the holidays better next year!!!!  So I am ready for my Journey to continue I will Take all of my Measurements tomorrow and face the music to realize what just a few months has done to my success .  Has Anyone Else done this to themselves?  Been Doing amazing and just BAMMMMM  Sabotage yourself?  What did you do to get back in the groove of things?  Did you tough love yourself or did you take it easy an were forgiving and just eased your way back into it?

Side effect Rapid weight gain

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Its crazy , what was my Dr thinking?   I’ve been working hard to lose weight and since I have been suffering from insomnia he gave me some meds to help.  Well they helped alright helped me gain weight.  I couldn’t believe it I had gained 5 lbs in one week.  What the crap is going on I thought.  I mean water weight maybe some of it but still 5 lbs in one week is a lot. So I looked at the side effects of this new meds and there it was in bold letters.  May Cause Rapid Weight Gain!!!!!     What the F@#$  is going on here I don’t need anything that can cause weight gain let alone Rapid weight gain.   So I stopped taking the meds and have an appointment with my Dr in a week to see what we can do.   On the plus side though I’ve been doing daily Challenges on my Fitbit with a group of women and its been a blast we have been encouraging each other and its really been motivating me to move a lot more.  So hopefully we will start seeing results soon 🙂

Weight Loss Warrior: Lisa AKA http://mrssavageangel.wordpress.com/

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Novembers Weight loss Warrior Is Lisa.  Even Though We’ve never Officially met I have Followed her on her wonderful Blog http://mrssavageangel.wordpress.com/ .  I really relate to her story being a new Mom and Finding the moment where you realize the “Baby”  Weight is more like “Your” weight now that the baby is growing up.  She is such an inspiration.   I hope she encourages you to Get off the couch and make a positive change in your life!

November’s Weight Loss Warrior

1: what made you want to lose weight? Was there a specific moment?

18 months ago I was in a very different ‘place’. I weighed 89lb more than I do now, had a very different relationship with food in general and my outlook on life was tired, sad and often on the negative side. I was so consumed with being a new mother and the associated challenges that come with that, that I’d almost ceased to exist as a person in my own right. I don’t think that’s wholly unusual in new mothers, but I compensated for this lack of self worth by ‘treating’ myself with high fat, high sugar foods. It’s sad to think I gained 2 stone in the year after I had my son, but I think I need to make it clear that I can’t blame my starting weight solely on motherhood. I had been obese my whole adult life. My weight had fluctuated a bit, but I’d been a size 22/24 (US 18/20) my entire adult life (I’m about to turn 36). The last time I wore the size 16 (US size 12) I’m wearing now was in my late teens.

A couple of things happened to motivate me to change things in 2013. Firstly my son turned 1 in the April (I wore a size 24 (US 20) dress to his party. It was pretty tight) and I realized I wouldn’t be able to the use the ‘new baby’ excuse for much longer. He wasn’t new any more!

Around the same time I also started keeping a gratitude journal, recording three happy moments a day. I did it daily and within a few months realised that all my happy moments were about my son and never about me. That made me so sad and made me want to change my life.

I also saw a couple of pictures that brought home to me just how much weight I was carrying.

At the time I told myself it was just a badly taken photo – that my son was extremely wriggly and I was caught in an unflattering position, trying to keep hold of him. Now, I think it looks like I’m trying to hide behind him.

November’s Weight Loss Warrior

1: what made you want to lose weight? Was there a specific moment?

18 months ago I was in a very different ‘place’. I weighed 89lb more than I do now, had a very different relationship with food in general and my outlook on life was tired, sad and often on the negative side. I was so consumed with being a new mother and the associated challenges that come with that, that I’d almost ceased to exist as a person in my own right. I don’t think that’s wholly unusual in new mothers, but I compensated for this lack of self worth by ‘treating’ myself with high fat, high sugar foods. It’s sad to think I gained 2 stone in the year after I had my son, but I think I need to make it clear that I can’t blame my starting weight solely on motherhood. I had been obese my whole adult life. My weight had fluctuated a bit, but I’d been a size 22/24 (US 18/20) my entire adult life (I’m about to turn 36). The last time I wore the size 16 (US size 12) I’m wearing now was in my late teens.

A couple of things happened to motivate me to change things in 2013. Firstly my son turned 1 in the April (I wore a size 24 (US 20) dress to his party. It was pretty tight) and I realised I wouldn’t be able to the use the ‘new baby’ excuse for much longer. He wasn’t new any more!

Around the same time I also started keeping a gratitude journal, recording three happy moments a day. I did it daily and within a few months realised that all my happy moments were about my son and never about me. That made me so sad and made me want to change my life.

I also saw a couple of pictures that brought home to me just how much weight I was carrying.

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At the time I told myself it was just a badly taken photo – that my son was extremely wriggly and I was caught in an unflattering position, trying to keep hold of him. Now, I think it looks like I’m trying to hide behind him.

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This one was taken at his toddler group summer picnic. Someone else took it and I was so excited to get it, as in my head we looked great. I was heartbroken when I saw it.

I knew then something had to change for all of us.

2: what work out regime do you keep if any?

I don’t drive (I never learnt) so I walk everywhere I can pushing the buggy. I think that helped in the beginning, as just getting up and getting active no matter what you do, is better than sitting still. I’ve never measured how many steps I do, but I know I walk for at least half an hour most days, if not more.

I also recently started a Core Stability class. It’s an awesome mixture of fit ball, yoga, pilates and physio, especially designed for post natal women. I adore it and a month in I know my core is already stronger and I can see a change in my shape. I want to continue doing this, but I’d also love to try yoga – the mixture of strength work and concentration really appeals to me.

3: best tip for eating healthier?

Start from scratch. It’s so hard to be aware of what you eat if you’re relying on companies to do it for you. Don’t get me wrong processed/packaged foods have their place, but if you rely on them you’re never going to be totally sure of what you’re eating. I love making big stews and curries from scratch. Not only do they taste better than anything you could ever get in a jar or a can, you also get a great sense of satisfaction from feeding yourself and your family well (or I do at least 😉 )

4: what advice would you give for someone who wanted to lose weight?

Take responsibility. For so long I was blaming everything else under the sun for my weight and my weight gain but in reality the buck stopped with me and always had. Once I started being more honest with myself and taking responsibility for my actions I found I could start being much more focussed in achieving my goals. The food you eat is part of it of course, but unless you get your head in the game nothing is going to change.

Also I’d say it’s a journey not a race. So it might take two years, so it might take five. It’ll take as long as it takes and expecting it to happen over night is unrealistic and unhelpful. Once you accept this is a long term plan you learn to live the ride!

5: what was or is the biggest challenge you faced with losing weight

Probably the enormity of the task ahead of me. To get to a ‘healthy’ weight I knew I was probably looking at having to lose around 130lb. That’s like a whole person! If I’d only ever focussed on the end goal I’d never have made it this far I know that. Instead I broke, and continue to break, my targets down into smaller goals. It gives me an ongoing feeling of achievement as I reach them.

  1.  If there is something you could go back and tell your former before weight loss self what would it be?

Ooo tricky. If I could go way back I’d tell my teenage self that she is NOT fat despite thinking she is. I think the fact that I thought I was anyway was something of a self fulfilling prophecy – I think I am, so I will be. I’d also beg her not to just accept being obese. I was never happy about the situation as such, but I let my weight define me for so long and I really wish I hadn’t. It’s never too late to change who you are.

Before

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This was my favorite dress. It’s a size 26 (US 22) I sold it on eBay recently. A very proud day10799570_10153448965715616_1366112504_n

Oct 2013 to Sept 2014

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Oct 2013 to June 2014

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June 2014

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Sept 2014

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Dec 2010 to Oct 2014

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Oct 2014